Several months ago I heard someone talking on the Oprah show. She was talking about making a list of all the qualities you want in a future companion, and how helpful it could be. (Even if you are married, you could take these same principles and apply them in other areas of your life.)
I always smile when people talk about these lists, because I made a list like that several years ago. I listed 67 qualities I wanted in my future husband. I marked the qualities that were essential with an "E" and I marked the ones that would be nice with a "W" (for wants).
But, this is the important thing I did that no one mentions, and I believe this is the reason it works for some people and not others! It makes me crazy that the "experts" leave out this all-important step: When I finished writing the list, I looked at it and said, "Now I need to become this person." And I went to work becoming the very person I described in my list!
When I met my husband, I knew on my first date that I could marry him. I was 26 years old, and had never felt that before - I was a skeptic, and definitely not a believer in "love at first sight". So I was really surprised when I came home from that first date and knew with a certainty that I could marry him. Now I realize that I was in vibration with the person I had described and immediately recognized it (for those of you who are religious, I recognize that the Spirit bore witness to me that night, but I also believe that it did because I had prepared myself to receive the answer). I lost the list long before I met my husband, but my husband definitely has all the qualities I remember being on the list (the wants as well as the essentials).
In "As a Man Thinketh" James Allen said: "Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are."
There is a big difference between wanting a million dollars and becoming a millionaire. The wanting is just idle dreaming; the becoming requires inspired, consistent action towards a goal/vision (which, of course, requires the goal/vision to begin with). Applying it to my personal example above, there is a big difference between wanting a great partner, and defining what a great partner is and working to become a great partner yourself!