Friday, October 30, 2009

Magic Question - Part 3 of 3

Earlier this year I was on a marketing call that was so much more than a marketing call! It was more about getting rid of clutter and getting to the bottom of who we really are.

The speaker introduced me to this powerful 4-word question: "So I can what?" Use it over and over again until you find out what is really important to you. For example, if you say that money is important to you, you would follow it up with "So I can what?" If you say spend more time with your family, then again you would follow it up with "So I can what?" You keep asking this over and over until you get to the very bottom of what you want.

In my case, I got to "connecting with people," and couldn't think of an answer to the question, even though I was pretty sure I could go deeper. He advised me to just stay with that answer for a while and keep asking myself the magic question until I got an aha! After the call, I got the aha! and was able to go down even deeper! I love connecting with people so I can share knowledge! I love to teach and to learn, and that is what gets me really, really excited! Now I will stay with "teach and learn," and perhaps one day I will have another aha! and go even deeper!

The cool thing is that when you get that deep inside you, you realize that what you really, really want, you already have! And it will be something that will always be with you -- and cannot be bought or sold with money. It will not depend on popularity or on others agreeing with you. It is who you are at the very core!

The closer you get to who you really are, the less fear you will have in your life! How cool is that?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Magic Question - Part 2 of 3

Many of us spend a lot of our lives in resistance. We are pushing so hard against what we don't want that we are actually creating it! You may even know that you are in resistance, but you don't know how to get out of it!

Resistance often leads to self-judgment or judging others. I had an experience where I was really feeling bad about a particular relationship in my life; in fact, I was beating myself up because of these bad feelings I have been carrying these past years. Finally I backed up and said, "Isn't it interesting that I feel this way about this person?" Immediately, all resistance, stress, judgment, and negative emotion left me. We know that "that which we resist, persists," but that concept had never been so clear to me as it was on that day.

And the magic question that dispelled the resistance was "Isn't it interesting that...?" It totally allowed me to look at the situation in a different light. And then I followed it up with the first magic question: "How can I...?" "What can I do differently...?"

For example: "Isn't it interesting that my son always pushes my buttons?" "Isn't it interesting that I have 6 hours' worth of work, and only 3 hours to accomplish it?" "Isn't it interesting that I got upset when that driver cut me off?" "Isn't it interesting that I need $1,000 for an unexpected bill, and I don't have any extra money in my account?"

And then when you've removed the resistance and judgment, it's easier to follow those questions up with "How can I have a peaceful and fulfilling relationship with my son?" [spend time with him doing things he enjoys] "How can I accomplish 6 hours' worth of work in the next 3 hours?" [Maybe some of it can be done another day; maybe some of it can be delegated; maybe a simpler process will come to you] "How can I be at peace while I drive?" "How can I attract an extra $1,000 in the next couple of months?" [Maybe I can do a week-long summer camp for Preschoolers or elementary school students - or drama - or dance - or piano]

It's been fun to see how "interesting" my problems really are!

I'm curious to see how it works for you, too! Won't it be "interesting" to see if it works for you, too?

Monday, October 26, 2009

Magic Question - Part 1 of 3

I have learned that when I ask better questions, I get better answers! There are open-ended questions (an infinite possibility of answers) and there are closed-ended questions (yes or no). Using a closed-ended question (one that has a very specific answer) is like searching the hard drive of your computer. You are very limited in the number of answers that are available. Using an open-ended question is like searching the internet – the number of answers available are infinite, and it’s possible that you will find an answer you never would have thought on your own.

This week we are going to explore the power of using open-minded questions in our self-talk, and in our talk with other people. I call these magic questions.

The first magic question is using words like “How…” or “What if…” instead of “Why…” or “Am I…”.

So instead of asking “Why am I always broke?” or “Am I ever going to lose weight?”, try asking questions like: “How can I double my income this next year?” or “What is one thing I can do differently that will greatly increase my financial outlook?” or “How can I change the way I view my body/weight loss?” or “What is something I can do differently to achieve a healthier body?”

Try it out! I would love to hear the experiences you have with this!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Weight Loss Fears

I can definitely relate to the fears that so many people feel about weight. I recently lost 30 pounds (I still have 30 more to go...,) and I can't believe what a difference it makes in my confidence. I keep telling my husband that it shouldn't matter, but then feeling like it shouldn't matter just adds more shame and guilt to what I was already feeling (I'll be blogging more about that next week...). As if I didn't have enough negative emotion already tied into it.

I have learned the importance of being in harmony spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Each of those areas is like a lock on a gate, and when all 4 locks are unlocked, the gate opens up and literally invites you to walk through. Not scary at all!!!

I was aligned spiritually and emotionally so I couldn't figure out why the weight wasn't coming off. I listened to a self-hypnosis CD by a respected person in that field EVERY night for 30 nights (to get myself mentally aligned). Within 2 weeks, a weight loss method I had never heard of FOUND ME!!! After more than 10 years of "failing," it was great to be completely aligned for success!

I know that fear keeps a lot of people from losing weight (or from any other success in their life), but once I was aligned spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically, all the fear melted away!

(If you want to know more about how I lost weight, feel free to check out my website at I will be adding more information in the next couple of months, too!)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

What makes you real?

This is one of my favorite all-time quotes from a lady who I really look up to and admire, Marjorie Hinckley:

“I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk’s lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

Take some time today and think about -- and WRITE DOWN -- some of the great things you do all the time that make you a real person! Focus on all the great things you do, and you will start to see what an amazing person you really are!!!

Monday, October 19, 2009

We are Real!

I love it when certain themes keep coming up for me over and over! Then I know I really need to pay attention and learn from them! One theme that has been coming up for me a lot lately is how we see ourselves. So that's what I'm going to blog about this week.

Most of you know that I recently lost 30 pounds. I hate that when I look in the mirror instead of celebrating the 30 pounds I have lost, I often feel myself getting discouraged over the 30 pounds I still need to lose. How many times do we look in the mirror and see the one or two less-than-perfect features on our bodies, while we totally overlook our beauty?

The media is lying to us when they tell us what the perfect woman is supposed to look like. They use tricks like lighting, angles, photo-shopping, etc to enhance the looks of the models. We were never meant to look like that -- we were meant to look like what we see when we look in the mirror!

A picture is worth a thousand words so I'm going to stop talking now and let you watch this instead:

Friday, October 16, 2009

Struggle vs. Joy

I've always believed you can learn and grow through struggle, or you can learn and grow through joy.

When we don't understand these success principles, we usually wait until we hit "our" rock bottom, and then struggle our way through it. We still learn and grow, but sometimes it is a long drawn-out process.

When we understand these success principles, and we are present and choosing to learn and grow, we experience the joy of our experiences. It is easier to do it this way - and a lot more fun! Bad things still happen, but we know the Law of Rhythm so we know the bad times won't last, and that better times are around the corner. Instead of getting weaker, our faith actually increases because we know these great times are coming and we prepare for them!

Personally, I feel like I've learned these success principles more thoroughly when I was coming from a place of joy, faith & gratitude than I ever did when I was in a place of fear, struggle and desperation.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Ego vs. Love

If you are like me, you have probably noticed that sometimes these principles work really well, and sometimes they don't seem to work as well! When I first started learning these principles, this really frustrated me because I know these principles work!

Then I realized that it makes a huge difference if my motive is based in ego (impressing others, proving to myself I can do it, worrying about what others think of me, doubting that I can really do it, etc) or in love (wanting to help others, being connected to God, knowing that with God all things are possible, being grateful for all I have).

It's basically another way of looking at competitive vs. creative. Sometimes the ego is pretty subtle. I have thought some of my motives were noble, but when I really stopped and evaluated I realized I was too concerned about what others thought or I was too worried to truly be coming from a place of love...

Monday, October 12, 2009


Several months ago I heard someone talking on the Oprah show. She was talking about making a list of all the qualities you want in a future companion, and how helpful it could be. (Even if you are married, you could take these same principles and apply them in other areas of your life.)

I always smile when people talk about these lists, because I made a list like that several years ago. I listed 67 qualities I wanted in my future husband. I marked the qualities that were essential with an "E" and I marked the ones that would be nice with a "W" (for wants).

But, this is the important thing I did that no one mentions, and I believe this is the reason it works for some people and not others! It makes me crazy that the "experts" leave out this all-important step: When I finished writing the list, I looked at it and said, "Now I need to become this person." And I went to work becoming the very person I described in my list!

When I met my husband, I knew on my first date that I could marry him. I was 26 years old, and had never felt that before - I was a skeptic, and definitely not a believer in "love at first sight". So I was really surprised when I came home from that first date and knew with a certainty that I could marry him. Now I realize that I was in vibration with the person I had described and immediately recognized it (for those of you who are religious, I recognize that the Spirit bore witness to me that night, but I also believe that it did because I had prepared myself to receive the answer). I lost the list long before I met my husband, but my husband definitely has all the qualities I remember being on the list (the wants as well as the essentials).

In "As a Man Thinketh" James Allen said: "Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are."

There is a big difference between wanting a million dollars and becoming a millionaire. The wanting is just idle dreaming; the becoming requires inspired, consistent action towards a goal/vision (which, of course, requires the goal/vision to begin with). Applying it to my personal example above, there is a big difference between wanting a great partner, and defining what a great partner is and working to become a great partner yourself!